Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:00 Hello and welcome to Woman Is Born Free podcast. This is a podcast all built on the idea that women should be spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically free. So I'm joined by someone today who I met on a retreat back in 2021. And for me, this is Emma forward. She just brings the idea of fun to freedom, because I think a lot of this work and like self-development, things like that, can feel really heavy at times. And Emma's just someone who kind of brings so much character and life to it. So she started her career as a personal trainer. She was working in fitness and helping people improve their bodies. Um, but then after that she realized that actually our relationship with our bodies and sort of our health actually go a lot deeper than just taking physical action. So then she went on her own sort of wellbeing journey and she now works as a coach in a pleasure coach, also working in pelvic floor and in a child hypnotherapy. So, hi Emma. How are you?
Speaker 1 00:00:58 I'm good, thank you. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 0 00:01:01 So I'm really interested in your story. I know that you focused on fitness and you, I believe, like competing in like fitness competitions and things like that. Is that right?
Speaker 1 00:01:13 Yes. I was, I can't remember how old I was. I think I was about 40 years old when I did a bikini competition. Wow. And I got third place.
Speaker 0 00:01:22 Oh my God.
Speaker 1 00:01:23 Which is great. Yeah. All that brown tan and those glittering, um, sequined bikinis and high heels on a stage <laugh>.
Speaker 0 00:01:33 And I hear with that, cause I, I feel like any time, you know, I think like every woman, I went on diets a lot in my teens. And I, I think whenever we think about the ideal physique and things like that, especially now, I think especially with Instagram, the fitness model, that competitive kind of fitness body is sort of the holy grail and it's what we all aim for. And you achieved that and you were coaching other women to also achieve that. And then actually you realized that that wasn't, that wasn't what you wanted to do. And you realized that actually our relationship with our bodies goes deeper than that. Can you tell me a little bit about that journey?
Speaker 1 00:02:10 Oh gosh. Yeah. Um, I remember going to the gym and seeing these kind of really sculpted. I've actually got a program called Sculpt with Emma. You know, they were ripped and shredded and it was, you know, go, go harder, push harder, or go home. Um, at the time I was, uh, running a business, um, a health business. I had a little boy. I wasn't getting on very well with my, uh, partner. So much was going on. And yet I made it to the gym every single day with my Tupperware. And I saw, yes, you know, this is it. This is nailing health. I've got it. And then obviously my physique started to change and I, you know, my bum lifted, my six pack came in, um, my arm started to pop and I was like, yes, this is the body. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 00:03:02 I've got the body. And then I did the bikini competition, went on stage, got that. But I wasn't happy. And I was like, all my life, I've wanted this body, right? Mm. And I'm still not happy. Um, and that was when I realized that I needed to go deeper. But the very thought of letting go of that body right was really hard. Like allowing that body to get softer. Um, and I'm still working through that now actually. Um, because as women who said that this six pack was actually healthy for a woman's body, and every single woman that I saw in the gym and spoke to in the gym about female sensuality and their connection to their pelvic floor, they were just like, no, there wasn't any yet on the outside. They had this amazing figure that everyone was like, oh my God, you look great.
Speaker 1 00:04:02 So therefore if you look great, you must feel great inside. And it's not what I'm seeing. And just the other day, actually a bikini fitness competitor contacted me. She's been following me and telling me about her panic attacks, um, and her exhaustion and you know, her pelvic floor issues and she's developing a hernia. And I was like, wow. And even period stopping, um, my periods didn't stop during my competition, but a year later they did stop. And I went into early menopause, which is wow, quite fascinating, really. Um, if there's a link, I don't know, we'll probably never find out, but just today I put a reel together about softness and space in the body. So, so many women come to me and they want space. They want freedom, they wanna feel better. And when I ask them how they feel, they're like tense, uptight, gripped, stressed, overwhelmed. And like, one of the easiest things I do is get them to create space by letting go of their belly. Right? And we can't do it. We're so gripped like this tension in in our belly that, you know, when the softness of a woman is, is wrong, is not fit. Do you know what I mean? Does that make sense?
Speaker 0 00:05:26 Yeah, that does make sense. And it's, it's so, you know, like I said with these, when you look at the pictures, we are like, that is the image of health. And I think even when you talked about getting up early every morning, going to the gym, like having your Tupperware and things like that, I mean, even now, like to me I'm like, or you know, you can interpret that as like, oh, that sounds like self-love. You know, that sounds like you, you're putting that time in. You are committing, you're showing up for yourself. But from what you've said, you know, and how you felt when you, um, achieve that goal, I mean, did you, did you feel like that came from a place of self love? You know, were you getting up at 5:00 AM or whatever it was and cooking, doing the meal pan w was it, were you sort of doing that from a place of love?
Speaker 1 00:06:09 It's, yeah, it's a really tough, that's a really great question. Thank you. And one that, you know, my clients and me are working through because we can feel that it's coming from a place of self-love. Right. And at the time I thought it was, and health is really important. So I'm not saying get up late, go to bed late, get up late, don't exercise, eat toast for breakfast and have a coffee. You know, let your belly and out. And that's self-love <laugh> cuz that's like the, the other end of it. But yeah, you know this, I can remember my uh, boy's dad saying, you are gonna burn yourself out. Like, I don't think this is healthy. This is obsession. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, I can remember at the bus stop in the rain eating my tuna rice and avocado because I needed to eat every three hours.
Speaker 1 00:06:58 Um, you know, is that health or is that obsessive? Mm. And um, you know, however, on the other side of it, it's, it, if you are not careful on the other side, it's, oh, well let's love our body, body positivity. Um, let's be kind to our body. Oh, I fancy cake. So we, we go to the other end that we think this intuitive eating is, oh, I'm really sad. I fancy cake. I'm gonna be an intuitive eater. I'm allowed the cake. And then that can go on the other side of it. So did I think it was self-love? Yes. I think at the time I did, I was like, look at me, I'm in the gym. Follow me. This is what we need to do to get this body. Um, and I was pushing my body to the, to the max and um, was pretty exhausted and I experienced burnout. Um, so that goes to show that my body was, was struggling. Um, I still get up every single morning. I get up earlier than my boy. Um, I never thought I would do that cause he never ever slept for like eight years. So I never thought I would set an alarm and get up earlier. But I set an alarm and I get up earlier and I do 15 minutes movement every single day. 50
Speaker 0 00:08:10 Or 15.
Speaker 1 00:08:12 You, what
Speaker 0 00:08:13 Is that, 50 or five zero or one five,
Speaker 1 00:08:15 Oh sorry. 1 5 15. So I do 15 minutes exercise every single morning. Um, and that's out of self-love. That's out of, I sit down more on a laptop. Um, my body needs to move, my spine needs to be rotated and articulated. You know, my hamstrings need to be stretched. Mm. Um, but self love to me, um, is connecting to my body and listening to my body rather than following an exercise program and a diet anymore. So this, and it's been real challenging because I wasn't taught this at school. I wasn't taught what self-love to me is body connection. Self-love to me is intimate connection with yourself. So into me, I see intimacy, to me that is self-love. But in a world where we haven't been taught that, you know, as women, we haven't been taught to train and eat around our periods. We haven't been taught, we weren't shown to.
Speaker 1 00:09:23 I now run a business around my cycle. Um, we weren't taught that mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, so into me. I see. Um, and this morning my little boy walked into the room and he said, what are you doing? I said, I'm doing my mirror work. And he was like, you are weird <laugh>. And I was literally staring at myself in the mirror looking at myself playing a song and seeing in myself, because you can't have an intimate connection with somebody else if you can't be intimate with yourself. And when we use the word intimate, we think self pleasure as in like messing down below, right? <laugh>. Mm. And that's not what I'm talking, it's can you see yourself? Can you have an intimate connection with yourself? Can you see yourself? Can you take a moment to stop and actually say, I need, my body feels. And I did a real just this morning, um, about letting go of the belly.
Speaker 1 00:10:30 Um, so many women come to me and say they want space. Well, for me, self-love is getting what you want. So if it's space, we think that space is space as in our home space as in away from our kids space as in, you know, going on holiday on our own. But what if space was, we crave space in the body and how can we get that space in the body? Whereas all the gym work was, um, restricting. It was contracting, it was pushing, it was achieving, it wasn't spacious and it was an intimate connection.
Speaker 0 00:11:07 It, it's funny from what you said, because I think, you know, when we talk about self-love, you can almost seem like you wake up one morning and you're like, I decide to love myself. But from everything you said, it's just, it sounds like it's a constant when we haven't been taught to love ourselves, we are actually learning how to love ourselves. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I think it's, it's that I remember um, when I was like, okay, I'm gonna love myself, make myself happy years ago. And I had no idea what actually made me happy. And I remember doing acting lessons and I was like, oh, this feels right. Um, but also then suddenly it didn't feel right and I was doing something else. And it's that constant process. And I think with our bodies as well, cause you mentioned, you know, it is not that just self-love where you don't do anything for your body.
Speaker 0 00:11:50 Um, and it's not the self-love where you are. You are sort of working out every day. It's actually that connection. And I think I've definitely had it before where I've been like, okay, not exercising at all and eating what I want. Like this is self love. And then I felt so lethargic and tired and you know, so kind of powerless. And then I've gone for a run or something and I'm like, oh, this was really good actually. Um, it's, it's interesting and I think it's funny cause you mentioned earlier you said something where it was sort of, you know, when you realized this, when you realized it actually felt constricting and the fitness, that obsessive fitness wasn't for you. And you were getting that process of softening. It's interesting because it sort of made me think of that, you know, being scared of losing the physique.
Speaker 0 00:12:39 It almost made me think of, um, anorexia and eating disorders like that. And obviously I feel almost like, you know, now there's a lot more awareness around dation and things like that. Obviously being about control and being, um, obviously really bad for us and not where we want to go. But I feel like with the fitness space, there's almost like less scrutiny on that where it's sort of like, you know, if you, if you are seen as like, oh, you, you are eating chicken and you're having rice and it's not like you're starving and it's sort of, we challenge the control thing less, um mm-hmm. <affirmative>, did you find that process of softening because did you find other people around you? Was there any kind of like negativity around that?
Speaker 1 00:13:22 Um, I mean luckily I started my process of softening in lockdown actually. Oh, perfect. Yeah. So the gym, um, the gym closed obviously. Um, and I started, uh, I had weights at home, so I was like, right, I'm gonna, you know, do this and I'm gonna come out of lockdown. My most sculpted fittest, the leanest ever. And I started, that
Speaker 0 00:13:46 Was me too.
Speaker 1 00:13:48 Yeah. I started lockdown like, you know, I'm gonna come out of this and be back where I was when I did my bikini competition and prove that you don't need a gym and you know, prove that I'm a mom running a business with a kid. I'm a teacher, I can do it all right. I'm gonna come out and women are gonna look at me and go, wow. <laugh>. That's when I went into lockdown feeling and I got all my weights and I can remember women coming to me and teaching them like online, you know, and putting programs together. And it was battling, it really was battling. And it was good old Instagram actually that, um, I started to find people on Instagram that were more, uh, let's say still fit, um, but feminine, like the word that you said, like softer. And I was looking at these women, um, and they were kind of meditating and, and dancing. Um, but not dancing as in putting on brave music in the kitchen. You know, when you know going, Ooh, ooh, <laugh>, ooh ooh and all that kinda stuff. You know, as we do like to get ourselves in a good mood, these women were dancing provocatively with themselves, but not in a way of like pole dancing with heels on. Not that I'm against that, but it wasn't, it wasn't that. It was, they were dancing with themselves in beautiful soft fabric and it triggered the hell out of me. <laugh>,
Speaker 0 00:15:25 I've been there too.
Speaker 1 00:15:26 Yeah. And at the same time it triggered me. I wanted it and I was like, right when we come out of lockdown, I'm gonna do more dancing, you know, I'm gonna find a dance class. So, and it was all this. And then cut a long story short, I realized that these women weren't going to a dance class. Cuz when they said, when they say like, in, in growth, do what you did when you were a child, what you enjoyed when you were a child. Well I went to dance classes so of course it was, oh let's find a dance class. And it was like, oh, street funk. But again, that was following somebody else. Just like a yoga class is following somebody else, just like, uh, my fitness is following somebody else. So when we think about yoga, often people think that that is in your body, but if you are in a class and you are following somebody else, you are not in your body. <laugh>. Does that make sense?
Speaker 0 00:16:19 It does. And it's so funny. But even like, you know, vulnerable share and thank you for being vulnerable for your thing. Was it definitely, I feel I can say it, but yeah, when you said I'm gonna get so fit and other women are gonna look at me, I've a hundred percent been that I had the same thing at being of lockdown. I started calling it the quarantine cringe as that is. And I was like, and it was so my, I was exactly the same. I was like, I'm gonna put a before and after photo on Instagram and everyone's gonna be amazed. And it's so funny cuz if you look at both of us there, we both like daydream about that external validation of like, people see like, we're not thinking, oh, I'm gonna feel great. We're like, oh, people are gonna see me and they're gonna be really impressed.
Speaker 0 00:17:03 And then I, I remember, I think this was before lockdown, but I used to also be so triggered and so jealous because I was very much in my head and very much similar to you of like, you have to achieve goals and you have to do this. And I remember I'd go clubbing and I would see these women just so like in their sensuality and just enjoying the music and like so sexy. And I was there like trying to copy the moods <laugh>. And I, you know, I'd be like, and I'd go to dance lessons and I'd be like, and I'd be like, how do they dance like that? And you know, asking people like, how, you know, how do you dance to this beat? And she was like, I can just hear it and I could feel it. And I was just like always trying to, you know, almost trying to achieve. And it's actually, it's just from what you said, it's all like just focusing on your feeling.
Speaker 1 00:17:56 Yeah. And that's what I'm moving on to try and, well, moving on to teaching now. Like all the time I was in the fitness, uh, business and, well, I've always been in, in fitness and dance. I was numb down below, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, like I could have a clitoris orgasm. Yeah. But very, very rarely did I have an internal one, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, and I could use high vibe, voltage vibrators, <laugh>, right? Yeah. So I thought, yeah, I'm having an orgasm, but only now I am being present in my body. Intimate connection, flowing more, going to, you know, ecstatic dances. And even when I started going to ecstatic dance, like what you said, I was dancing like I would dance in a club, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, not that there's anything wrong with that. And I still do that now when I go to these dances cuz I do like that kind of dancing, but I wasn't present in my body.
Speaker 1 00:18:57 Um, so even like if we go back to, you know, what I, what I used to do when I was younger, which was dance, but then I was such a good dancer. I was always dancing in my room. My mom took me to dance classes. Now there's nothing wrong with that. I made a career out of dancing. However, what I really loved was creating my own dances with, you know, my nan's um, my nan's wedding veil and her beads. Do you know what I mean? And, and dressing up and just looking like, remember being in my nan's house when my mom was out shopping with my sister. And I'd go into my nan's room and just be like, oh, look at me and just create some dance, which wasn't a dance that you would perform on stage because it was my dance for me. Mm. Um, and this, um, you know, and this is really, really interesting when again, with the ecstatic dance and how the first ecstatic dance I went to, I was, um, watching everybody just like you. I was like, how do they do that? But then there was men at the ecstatic dance and I was scared of doing my moves in case I turned the men on.
Speaker 0 00:20:08 I've had that as well.
Speaker 1 00:20:10 Yeah. So then I created an ecstatic dance for just women. Mm. So I hired the ecstatic dance DJ and we did it for just women. And I was like, oh, this feels safer. And then, uh, one ecstatic dance, I was literally thrusting the floor, like literally thrusting the floor and I didn't care. I was in my body that is embodied. Mm-hmm. And I was like, wow. And then I went to another one outside in the woods and this is where my new business kind of, um, manifested through me. Right. I suppose you could say I alchemized it or I felt it. I ended up climbing, almost climbing this tree, hanging off this tree. Right now I'm scared of bugs. Really scared of bugs. And although I'm this nature woman, I'm also petrified of insects. But I ended up half climbing this tree with my legs straddled around this tree.
Speaker 1 00:21:02 Right. And I was humping the tree like a wild woman. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I don't know, it was like I would had some sort of kundalini awakening that was taken over. Then I got down and I was in, you know, in the mud thrusting and roaring and howling right at this ecstatic dance. And I was like, oh, she is back. She's being reborn. And I'll just share one thing that happened with my little boy. My little boy was a great dancer. Um, he would've been about five years old and he was always dancing in his room. So what did I do? Let's go to dance school. Mm-hmm. My boy's gonna be a dancer. So I took him to dance school street funk for you know, boys and girls. And I was like, oh, isn't it great that they do dance classes for boys? And I was forcing him to go and he was like, I don't really like it, but you are a great dancer.
Speaker 1 00:21:57 And then one day he said, I don't wanna go anymore. And I actually listened and I said, that's fine. He said, I don't think you understand me mommy. I wanna dance how I wanna dance. I don't wanna be told how to move. I love that. And that was a massive like penny, like massive realization for me, you know, kids and how I'd felt in my body and growing up. Yes, I was a great dancer and I'm so glad my mom took me to dance school but like we're told how we should be, how we should perform, sit down, be at school, be at good girl. Um, yeah. And I was like, wow. And I realized that I had um, distorted eating bulimia, anorexia and self-harm when I was growing up. What if I was allowed to, what if ecstatic dance and roaring and thrusting and shout shouting and screaming and banging drums in the woods was a normal school activity.
Speaker 1 00:22:59 <laugh> would I have that bulimia? Which when I went to see a bulimia specialist, she said it was to do with me feeling a lack of control. Yeah. Um, in my body. And I, I couldn't, you know, a lack of control and a life and I was at the time thinking, but my mom and dad don't control me. My mom and dad are like really easygoing. I don't get that. And she said it was low self-esteem and not being true to myself. Well I was only 16 at the time so I didn't get it all. And now I get it. I felt trapped. I felt like for going back to the beginning of this conversation, I felt like I had no space in my body to be who I wanted to be. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:23:44 It's so much like it's, I feel like when it wasn't safe in the world for women to create and be as big as we are and express ourselves, it's like almost like we didn't have anything to do other than control our bodies. Like, you know, just do when you can't make, if you're not like, I don't know, running businesses and things like that, it's like the only thing you can control and you know everything or you're passionate, it just goes into like bodies and things like that. Um, yeah, it's, I was gonna ask, so I, I mean I love, I think a lot of women right now is including myself. They're on this path of liberation. Like you mentioned, bringing out the wild women, you know, ditching the diet, stepping outside I guess the boundaries of how we were taught to behave and all things like that. And you know, being this wild woman and being a bit messy and things like that. We met at a wild women retreat and Costa Rica where lots of women were obviously attracted to that concept of breaking free from the mold. And I was gonna ask, cuz I still think there's still a little bit more of judgment cause you are in your forties, is that correct?
Speaker 1 00:24:49 I'm 46.
Speaker 0 00:24:51 You're 40. Oh, oh wow. Seriously. Um, whatever you're doing, <laugh> was working well but like being in your forties, cuz I feel like there's almost more, it's almost a bit like, okay, there's more understanding now that you can be a bit wild in your teens or your early twenties or whatever else it is. But then it's sort of like, oh, like settle down when you get to a certain stage or it's, it's, you know, there's a lot of judgment a sort of like as the older you, you get, you're meant to be seen as like more conservative and six values and things like that. I mean, have you found that and also how did you find being on that retreat? Because I know I believe you were the only mother on that retreat. Um, well there was a mother to be but uh, mother there. I mean, have you ever found any kind of extra judgment I guess being in your forties and also having, having a child?
Speaker 1 00:25:40 Oh my gosh, yes. Coming back from that retreat was such a grieving process. <laugh>, wow. Oh. Um, I loved it. And I, you know, why don't more women my age and in our forties do this? Um, and it's because we don't have the time. We don't have the space, we don't have the funds yet. You know, one of my clients said just the other day she spends 20 pound a week on her child's swimming lessons. Right. Yeah. Add that up over the year. Um, and I can remember saying to my little boy, we're not having a family holiday cause mommy's going on a retreat. <laugh>.
Speaker 0 00:26:17 Yeah. I love that. That's incredible.
Speaker 1 00:26:21 Yeah. I'm still paying that retreat off now. Um, and there the how, you know, that selfish mother came in that I need space, that I need time that this is for me and the amount of planning that that retreat took to do, um, you know, and I'm so glad I did it and there was a grieving process coming back from that retreat because I was the mother and because I was the older one, but also there was a freedom and that is, I can remember saying, you know, this is birthing my new business. I wanna encourage men and women that are married, that have kids that are in a relationship or that, uh, you know, single mother, single parenting like me to have more freedom to do more fun things. You know, there's um, a great men's retreat where the men go up and they roar on top of a mountain, you know, and let it go out.
Speaker 1 00:27:19 Yeah. The men that I work with, again, they're restricted. They too have emotional eating issues or functional gray area drinking, um, or feel totally depressed. Um, because we are apparently meant to get together, um, have these babies, you know, work hard, run a a house, have these kids that don't sleep, do all these things for the kids, live our life through the kids and we are meant to be happy and we are not, we are dead. Yeah. With many women also saying they actually are so exhausted that they feel dead from the waist down and that's because they are exhausted. They don't feel seen, heard or supported. Right. So on that retreat I was like, yes, I'm doing this for the next generation of women. Yeah. Right. In doing this. So that, I believe that when my clients as mothers, most of my clients are between 30 and say 65 years old.
Speaker 1 00:28:21 Um, that if they allow themselves to have space, go on a wild woman retreat, ecstatic dance, you know, do all this stuff, teach their daughters rage rituals, um, teach their daughters how to live around their cycle. And I've got a boy, so I'm teaching my boy about this as well, then I'm doing it for the next generation. So that brings up a lot of fear because a lot of women say on the school run will go, oh, it's all right for you or you are lucky, or I wish I could do that. Yeah. Or that's not available to me with like a little bit of a giggle. And because I fear upsetting people, um, because I wanna be a good girl, I've got that in me, I then retract and think, oh, no one's gonna get me. No one's gonna understand me. I'm gonna lose clients.
Speaker 1 00:29:12 You know, I can't do this. Who am I to do this? I'm too old to do this. This is for the youngsters. So that came up. Um, and then asking your question about being the only mother on the retreat, that was really, really interesting. I think there was one, um, there was one other mother as well. Yeah. Um, and I definitely, I was the oldest one. Oh yeah, there was. Yeah. Yeah. So there was, um, another woman as well and um, I was the oldest one and I've n you know, and that I've got so many sisterhood wounds and fear of other women. And you know, there I was with a as what, how old was I? 44 year old body and I was mixing with 20 something year olds. Right. Um, and the comparison, like looking at their body, looking at my body and then them sharing, oh, I'm gonna go off to Mexico next for a year or Bali for a year.
Speaker 1 00:30:12 I'm traveling around and you know, there I was like, I can't do this. Like I have a child. And I remember coming home and feeling quite down and depressed, um, and saying to my boy, should we go and travel the world? And he was like, what about daddy? And you know, that was really, it was like a grieving process, like a letting go and a shedding and then realizing that I'm 46, but I've still got so much more life yet, you know, a lot of women when they hit their mid fifties are then, oh well, you know, I've gotta look after the children's children. I don't wanna be that mom that looks after the children's children and keeps giving and giving and giving to others.
Speaker 0 00:31:01 <laugh>. Yeah. It's,
Speaker 1 00:31:03 I think I wanna be this. Yeah. I don't, I don't wanna do that. Um, and so it's, it's breaking, it's breaking the mold and one of the, the biggest things that helped me heal my body dysmorphia was that retreat. So I'd been to so many counseling sessions about body dysmorphia and done so many meditations. Um, so much stuff. And you know, the healing thing to be naked with 35 women.
Speaker 0 00:31:33 Yeah. <laugh>. Someone said to me when we did the naked photographs, someone said to me, we are all the same, just different flavors. And yes, that hit me so hard because it is not often, sadly, it's not often you see so many naked women together and when you do you're just kind of like, you know, it's all this huge thing like getting naked, taking your clothes off and you imagine like everyone looking at you, but when everyone's naked you're just like, oh, okay. You know, like we, we all look similar. Um, and it's much less of a bigger deal. We are out of time. But I do wanna ask one final question, which is when do you feel most free?
Speaker 1 00:32:19 Oh, most free. When I can I be really, really honest here.
Speaker 0 00:32:29 Love, honesty.
Speaker 1 00:32:31 Okay. When I
Speaker 0 00:32:32 Good answer.
Speaker 1 00:32:34 Yeah. <laugh>. So most free when I let go of my belly, right? Yeah. When I climb on top of my partner.
Speaker 0 00:32:45 Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:32:45 When I am totally in control when I breathe and I allow my yoni to open up over his erect penis,
Speaker 0 00:32:57 I love this.
Speaker 1 00:32:58 And I'm not pushing it in, I'm not going right. We need to get it in not licking the fingers, you know, getting it wet <laugh> quick. It's like, and he allows me to be, you know, open, soft, allowing my yoni to open. There's no rush. And I feel totally safe in his presence for the yoni to open and then kind of allow him in to receive. And then when he go, when it's, when it's in that I'm hardly moving yet I'm not upright with my belly sucked in, wondering what I look like making all the right groaning noises that PornHub taught us. Yeah. But I'm actually like surrendered over him. My belly is probably Yeah, it is. It's out. I'm in like almost a hunched position that apparent, you know, you wouldn't see, um, a model in <laugh>. Yeah. I'm in this rounded hunched position and I'm actually making almost primal sounds because the yoni and the voice are connected. Hundred percent. And when I make those primal sounds and I feel safe with him and I'm relaxed, I'm open, I'm surrendered, and I'm in my body. That's freedom.
Speaker 0 00:34:24 I think that's one of the best answers I've ever heard. I feel like we need to have another chat just about sex after that because <laugh>, that's, I think that'd be a great conversation. Um, Emma, thank you so much for coming on. Where can people find you
Speaker 1 00:34:38 Instagram at the underscore? Emma Fullwood, which is F u l L W o O d.
Speaker 0 00:34:46 Okay, great. Well thank you so much for coming on and great to chat.
Speaker 1 00:34:49 Thank you. Bye.
